Offense is something we all encounter, but how we handle it can determine the strength of our relationships and our spiritual growth. The Bible warns us about the dangers of offense, showing us how it can become a stumbling block, not only in our relationships with others but also in our walk with God. Whether it’s due to unmet expectations, misunderstandings, or difficult seasons, offense can take root in our hearts if we’re not careful. However, through Scripture, and the power of the Holy Spirit we can overcome offense and prevent it from hindering our lives.
1. The Nature of Offense
Proverbs 18:19 NKJV – "A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle."
Just as any tool has a function, offense is a tool of the enemy that's function is to divide. Offense builds walls in our hearts, shutting down relationships and creating barriers. God’s greatest desire is to see us thrive in our relationships, which is why it’s so important to deal with offense the right way. When we pick up offense against someone, our capacity to extend grace to them becomes severely limited. That’s not how God has called us to live! We need to learn how to navigate the moments when offense comes, so we can walk in the fullness of what God has for us.
The Hebrew word for offense, pesha, conveys the idea of feeling of wronged or betrayed. Notice the word "feeling," indicating that offense is an emotional response that may not always have merit. In my experience most offenses stem from misunderstandings which can easily be resolved with a request for clarification. After over 16 years in pastoral ministry, I’m still amazed at how often people misinterpret one another.
But whether you’ve been truly sinned against or are simply feeling offended by something that isn’t necessarily sinful, God wants us to overcome this barrier-building trap. If the Church truly wants to walk in the Glory, we must mature to the point where we become unoffendable. A life that’s crucified with Christ can’t be offended!
2. The Inevitability of Offense
Matthew 18:7 NKJV – "Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!"
The Greek word for "offenses" here is σκάνδαλον (skandalon), meaning “a stumbling block or an occasion for falling.” Offense causes us to stumble and fall short of God’s glory for our lives. Jesus warns us about the reality of offense, He was saying, "Woe to the world because of things that cause people to fall." We must understand offense for what it is: a trap designed to cause us to fall. If we don’t deal with it, it can lead us away from the fullness of what God has for us.
Jesus also helps His disciples embrace the inevitability of offense. He says, "offenses must come." He doesn’t sugarcoat the issue or make it seem like following Him will make them immune to offense. Instead, Jesus puts offense on their radar, helping them be aware of its reality. When we accept that offense is bound to come, it allows us to develop a strategy ahead of time. The strategy is simple: when tempted to pick up offense, choose instead to put it down. Though it may be difficult, we have the Holy Spirit to help us make that choice!
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 NKJV – "Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others."
King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, teaches us to handle offense wisely. He tells us not to take everything to heart in a world full of flawed, sinful people. If we do, we’re setting ourselves up for disaster. Instead, we must choose to maintain peace, let go of things that could offend us, and make the intentional decision to walk in love.
4. The Connection of Offense with Wrong Expectations
Matthew 11:2-6 NKJV – "And when John had heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of his disciples and said to Him, 'Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?' Jesus answered and said to them, 'Go and tell John the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.'"
John the Baptist, after being placed in prison, faced unmet expectations about Jesus’ mission. His doubt opened the door for offense. Jesus’ response teaches us that offense often stems from wrong expectations, and the challenge is to trust God even when things don’t unfold as we expect.
Often, we set unrealistic expectations for people, unknowingly setting ourselves up for offense. We must align our expectations with both their humanity and their nature. Expecting a talkative person to suddenly become quiet, for example, sets us up for disappointment. Being realistic helps us avoid the trap of bitterness when people don’t meet our expectations.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV – "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."
Jesus and John the Baptist’s relationship shifted as their seasons in life changed. Once leading revival together, John now found himself in prison while Jesus’ ministry continued to grow and thrive. This shift contributed to John facing offense, just as similar changes can do for us. Sometimes people that were close no longer stay nearby as we enter different seasons, this is when it becomes crucial to hold to Jesus’ words: "Blessed is he who is not offended."
5. Our Unavoidable Proneness to Offense
Matthew 11:11 NKJV – "Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he."
If even John the Baptist, whom Jesus called the greatest among those born of women, struggled with offense, it shows how vulnerable we all are. No matter how strong our faith, offense can come knocking. We must be vigilant in guarding our hearts.
1 Corinthians 10:12 NKJV – "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."
This verse serves as a warning to stay humble and aware of our susceptibility to offense. It’s easy to believe we’re standing strong, but this scripture reminds us that pride can lead to a fall. We must constantly check our hearts and ensure offense doesn’t sneak in.
Offense is a stumbling block that none of us are immune to, even the most faithful. The key is to recognize and confront offense before it takes root, as it can damage relationships and give the enemy a foothold. By choosing forgiveness, humility, and love daily, we protect our hearts and align with God’s purpose. Let us strive to be unoffendable, walking in peace and reflecting God’s glory in all we do.
Written by: Kyle Bailey, D. Min.
1. The Nature of Offense
Proverbs 18:19 NKJV – "A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle."
Just as any tool has a function, offense is a tool of the enemy that's function is to divide. Offense builds walls in our hearts, shutting down relationships and creating barriers. God’s greatest desire is to see us thrive in our relationships, which is why it’s so important to deal with offense the right way. When we pick up offense against someone, our capacity to extend grace to them becomes severely limited. That’s not how God has called us to live! We need to learn how to navigate the moments when offense comes, so we can walk in the fullness of what God has for us.
The Hebrew word for offense, pesha, conveys the idea of feeling of wronged or betrayed. Notice the word "feeling," indicating that offense is an emotional response that may not always have merit. In my experience most offenses stem from misunderstandings which can easily be resolved with a request for clarification. After over 16 years in pastoral ministry, I’m still amazed at how often people misinterpret one another.
But whether you’ve been truly sinned against or are simply feeling offended by something that isn’t necessarily sinful, God wants us to overcome this barrier-building trap. If the Church truly wants to walk in the Glory, we must mature to the point where we become unoffendable. A life that’s crucified with Christ can’t be offended!
2. The Inevitability of Offense
Matthew 18:7 NKJV – "Woe to the world because of offenses! For offenses must come, but woe to that man by whom the offense comes!"
The Greek word for "offenses" here is σκάνδαλον (skandalon), meaning “a stumbling block or an occasion for falling.” Offense causes us to stumble and fall short of God’s glory for our lives. Jesus warns us about the reality of offense, He was saying, "Woe to the world because of things that cause people to fall." We must understand offense for what it is: a trap designed to cause us to fall. If we don’t deal with it, it can lead us away from the fullness of what God has for us.
Jesus also helps His disciples embrace the inevitability of offense. He says, "offenses must come." He doesn’t sugarcoat the issue or make it seem like following Him will make them immune to offense. Instead, Jesus puts offense on their radar, helping them be aware of its reality. When we accept that offense is bound to come, it allows us to develop a strategy ahead of time. The strategy is simple: when tempted to pick up offense, choose instead to put it down. Though it may be difficult, we have the Holy Spirit to help us make that choice!
Ecclesiastes 7:21-22 NKJV – "Also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known that even you have cursed others."
King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, teaches us to handle offense wisely. He tells us not to take everything to heart in a world full of flawed, sinful people. If we do, we’re setting ourselves up for disaster. Instead, we must choose to maintain peace, let go of things that could offend us, and make the intentional decision to walk in love.
Most situations where we feel offended just need to be taken to God in prayer, without any need for further action. In some cases, asking for a conversation can help resolve a potential misunderstanding. And sometimes, gentle correction is needed so the relationship can grow. The Holy Spirit gives us the wisdom to know how to handle each situation and what the best approach will be. But I want to stress that the vast majority of situations simply require prayer. Otherwise, we’ll end up in a constant cycle of telling people how they’ve offended us, which doesn’t lead to peace or growth.
3. The Demonic Function of Offense
Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV – "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil."
This scripture teaches us the discipline of a "daily detox" from offense before it has a chance to take root. Holding onto offense, even for a night, gives the devil a foothold in our hearts, allowing bitterness and division to grow. We must resolve offense quickly—through forgiveness, communication, or prayer. By making it a daily habit to release anger and resentment, we close the door to the enemy and keep our hearts aligned with God’s peace.
Ephesians 4:26-27 NKJV – "Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil."
This scripture teaches us the discipline of a "daily detox" from offense before it has a chance to take root. Holding onto offense, even for a night, gives the devil a foothold in our hearts, allowing bitterness and division to grow. We must resolve offense quickly—through forgiveness, communication, or prayer. By making it a daily habit to release anger and resentment, we close the door to the enemy and keep our hearts aligned with God’s peace.
The enemy is a master at getting people to take the bait of offense. He’s studied humanity for thousands of years, learning how to trap us. His demonic agents have even studied our family lines and personal weaknesses to figure out the exact bait we’re most likely to bite. With this in mind, we must stay alert to the spirit of offense and, like Jesus, say, "Get behind me, Satan, for you are an offense (trap/stumbling block) to me!" Instead of dwelling on offense, we need to choose to meditate on the Word of God and put offense behind us!
James 3:14-16 NKJV – "But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there."
James points out that holding onto offense is a form of what he calls "demonic wisdom." When someone fails to practice the "daily detox" principle from Ephesians 4:26, it allows the enemy to gain more and more footholds in their life over time. The Greek word for "foothold" refers to territory or locality. In other words, each time we choose to hold onto offense, we’re giving the enemy more ground in our soul. When this happens, deliverance and inner healing almost always become necessary. But if we confront offense daily, it keeps the enemy out of our lives and allows us to remain truly "free indeed!"
2 Timothy 2:24-26 NKJV – "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."
Paul teaches us how to handle those who oppose us with gentleness and patience. The Greek word for 'snare' used here is παγίς (pagis), meaning a trap. We must understand that offended people are "taken captive," which helps us remain patient with them. When we harbor offense, we risk falling into that snare, but with humble correction and gentleness, we can avoid the devil’s trap and help others do the same.
James 3:14-16 NKJV – "But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there."
James points out that holding onto offense is a form of what he calls "demonic wisdom." When someone fails to practice the "daily detox" principle from Ephesians 4:26, it allows the enemy to gain more and more footholds in their life over time. The Greek word for "foothold" refers to territory or locality. In other words, each time we choose to hold onto offense, we’re giving the enemy more ground in our soul. When this happens, deliverance and inner healing almost always become necessary. But if we confront offense daily, it keeps the enemy out of our lives and allows us to remain truly "free indeed!"
2 Timothy 2:24-26 NKJV – "And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will."
Paul teaches us how to handle those who oppose us with gentleness and patience. The Greek word for 'snare' used here is παγίς (pagis), meaning a trap. We must understand that offended people are "taken captive," which helps us remain patient with them. When we harbor offense, we risk falling into that snare, but with humble correction and gentleness, we can avoid the devil’s trap and help others do the same.
4. The Connection of Offense with Wrong Expectations
Matthew 11:2-6 NKJV – "And when John had heard in prison about the works of Christ, he sent two of his disciples and said to Him, 'Are You the Coming One, or do we look for another?' Jesus answered and said to them, 'Go and tell John the things which you hear and see: The blind see and the lame walk; the lepers are cleansed and the deaf hear; the dead are raised up and the poor have the gospel preached to them. And blessed is he who is not offended because of Me.'"
John the Baptist, after being placed in prison, faced unmet expectations about Jesus’ mission. His doubt opened the door for offense. Jesus’ response teaches us that offense often stems from wrong expectations, and the challenge is to trust God even when things don’t unfold as we expect.
Often, we set unrealistic expectations for people, unknowingly setting ourselves up for offense. We must align our expectations with both their humanity and their nature. Expecting a talkative person to suddenly become quiet, for example, sets us up for disappointment. Being realistic helps us avoid the trap of bitterness when people don’t meet our expectations.
Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV – "To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven."
Jesus and John the Baptist’s relationship shifted as their seasons in life changed. Once leading revival together, John now found himself in prison while Jesus’ ministry continued to grow and thrive. This shift contributed to John facing offense, just as similar changes can do for us. Sometimes people that were close no longer stay nearby as we enter different seasons, this is when it becomes crucial to hold to Jesus’ words: "Blessed is he who is not offended."
5. Our Unavoidable Proneness to Offense
Matthew 11:11 NKJV – "Assuredly, I say to you, among those born of women there has not risen one greater than John the Baptist; but he who is least in the kingdom of heaven is greater than he."
If even John the Baptist, whom Jesus called the greatest among those born of women, struggled with offense, it shows how vulnerable we all are. No matter how strong our faith, offense can come knocking. We must be vigilant in guarding our hearts.
1 Corinthians 10:12 NKJV – "Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."
This verse serves as a warning to stay humble and aware of our susceptibility to offense. It’s easy to believe we’re standing strong, but this scripture reminds us that pride can lead to a fall. We must constantly check our hearts and ensure offense doesn’t sneak in.
Offense is a stumbling block that none of us are immune to, even the most faithful. The key is to recognize and confront offense before it takes root, as it can damage relationships and give the enemy a foothold. By choosing forgiveness, humility, and love daily, we protect our hearts and align with God’s purpose. Let us strive to be unoffendable, walking in peace and reflecting God’s glory in all we do.
Written by: Kyle Bailey, D. Min.
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